My name’s Rumbles, short for Mr Rumbleson Aria Wallington-Anderson. I wanted to tell you my side of the story. Here I am as a young strapping kitten back in 2012.
Our garden used to have a jungle in it.
Then one day it was gone.
My pet humans, Walls and Topher, kept putting new things in for me to sleep on though. As they should.
Walls knows it’s a tough life protecting my pride land.
He kept bringing new growing things in and putting them on their shrine to me.
I like to acknowledge these gifts, but not too much. You have to keep them on their toes these humans.
Here I am posing for my annual portrait.
Walls is handy because he always holds a warm bed for me to sleep on.
He is a bit stupid though. So I have to monitor what he does.
I’m very effective at keeping unwanted enemies out of the garden. Nothing gets past my watchful gaze.
And I often like to pose wistfully next to a flower so Walls and Topher can capture my best side.
One day Walls and Topher started bringing lots of stuff into my pride land for me. Including this fetching yurt.
One day a human called Donty came in and fixed my tree for me so I could pose on it properly again. Like a lion.
From my mountain I kept a watch in the day time.
And my surveillance, hidden in the undergrowth.
No one messes with me.
I’m as sharp as tiger.
I’m as invisible as a panther.
One day Walls and Topher started to improve my palace and pride lands for me, and brought in lots of other humans to help.
Quite early on I set about specifying how I wanted it all to look, giving out various commands.
They didn’t really get it right, because they’re not the smartest, but they tried. As long as they’re doting on me constantly, that’s all that matters. I am a generous ruler.
The humans they brought in created a large cat walk for me. It was the best in the land.
And Walls surrounded it in gifts.
Really, this was quite catisfactory but I made sure Walls saw nothing but my distain at his attempts.
Here I am fearlessly purring at a giant snake.
Then the cat walk became a special bridge with a modern floating jungle on it.
In my palace the humans had installed a large adventure park for my amusement.
Complete with a catisfactory throne.
When they weren’t around I loved it, but when they were I made sure they felt belittled for their attempts.
They kept rearranging my new pride lands jungle and I humoured them by appearing to be interested.
After a while, eating my meals in the adventure park became a little demeaning.
I commanded that they put it back to the luxury I was used to.
I gave my best sad face, which always works.
Walls and Topher seemed a bit tired at this point.
So I took sympathy and told them they could shower me with gifts. Which of course they did. I was very happy.
They even installed a giant drinking bowl for me
A new outdoor throne was built with things that complemented my fur.
And I got back to my royal duties of protecting the pride land.
I definitely never fell asleep while on duty.
Back inside my palace things were getting back to how I wanted them.
Walls, Topher and my other human minions even installed a big viewing gallery so I can maintain my royal guard when it’s too wet for my beautiful fur to go outside.
The Donty human came back to check that my pet humans Walls and Topher were treating me OK. I said they were average but they could stay.
As a special treat, you can all have my latest portrait.
My tail ends with news that Walls and Topher brought in this giant cat bed. They tried to sit on it but I immediately told them to jog on.
Miaow for now,
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I'm an RHS qualified garden designer living in Clapham, London who loves growing plants and designing with them. Follow me on Twitter.
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